Posts Tagged ‘Newfoundland’

Newfie Screech!

Monday, August 29th, 2011

Oh no!  A rite of passage!  I’m way too old for this (The only one that I thought was positive was when a sweet young thing initiated me to the joys of sex!).  I’m working in a mine up near the Arctic Circle and it’s the dead of winter.  They tell me they have two seasons – snow and mosquito!  After a day at the mine the rest of the crew feel its necessary for the Newbe to Newfie buy them a round at the local watering hole!

We’re to drink from a bottle of Newfie Screech – a vile and strong local brew from the Newfoundland and Labrador Liquor Corporation.  Unavailable in most of the world it drunk in Newfoundland a place of cold, brutal and long winters.  The landscape is grey and dreary.  To deaden the spirits one drinks to excess.  The local tipple comes in cheap plastic bottles (so it doesn’t break when you fall down).  One of the more colorful names for it is “Dirty Underwear”, an ingredient supposedly used in the process to give this neutral spirit it’s brown color and recognizable odor.

The rite I am to do is to eat a dried, smoked cod fish and wash it down with a proper amount of Newfie Screech!

I am aware the cod has LOTS of bones so one must take a bites carefully!  I nibble all I can, extract innumerable small bones and try to choke down the dry, salty, and extremely fishy mouthful – I can’t!  They hand me the bottle of Screech and I swill down the smallest gulp I can handle.  I eventually swallow this swill which cause ringing in my ears and my eyesight to go blind . . .  cheers are heard in the distance – the ringing makes sounds far in the distance!  When my vision clears I see my cohorts laughing.  I raise my arms in the football signal for Touchdown . . . Oops!  The cod fish goes flying to land across the room with the detritus of peanut shells and sawdust!  How tragic, I now won’t be able to finish the cod and drink half a bottle of Screech!

To make sure I’m recognized as a Good Guy I buy the tavern a round and order a couple of Pizzas!  I make sure there are 3 pitchers of beer at our table so the Evil Bottle of Newfie Screech will have to await it’s next victim!